


Freight

by Lambda_Complex



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24493351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lambda_Complex/pseuds/Lambda_Complex
Summary: After the events of Episode 1, Barney is left to think back on the week's events and comes to the realization that he's finally free.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman, Freehoun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 123





	Freight

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a shorter one, but I felt like Barney deserved a bit of a happy ending after everything he went through :)

Barney took a deep breath of the crisp country air- a welcome change to the stagnant smog he’d grown used to in the city. The wind whipped by the train car he stood at the back of, staring up at what used to be the Citadel still looming over the landscape. Its remains were still as imposing as it had been while it was intact- a lingering reminder of the horrors they’d endured, and the last bastion of the Combine’s hold over Earth. Still, its ruined state left room for hope. If they could pull off infiltrating the Citadel, they could sure as hell drive out what was left of the Combine forces on Earth. One could only hope.

His arms were planted firmly on the railing of the train car- the only thing keeping him from outright collapsing at that point. He hadn’t noticed it before, but he was exhausted. He supposed the adrenaline from his escape, paired with the fact that so many depended on him at the time, had kept him going. Now that he had a brief respite from the chaos that was the evacuation, the days worth of missed sleep and the physical toll he’d taken on his body had really started to catch up with him.

He wondered why he’d even bothered- He could’ve just hopped on the evacuation train with Eli and Kleiner and he would’ve been safely at White Forest by now. It wasn’t like they hadn’t offered- In fact, Eli insisted he came with them. He’d refused, though- and he was still unsure exactly why. Perhaps it was the guilt that still weighed heavily on his conscience after his time in Civil Protection. He let out a sigh and turned to look out at the countless dead trees and grass whipping by, a frown planted firmly on his face.

The sound of the train car door sliding open startled Barney, who turned his head to see who had disturbed him. It was a younger man, around his twenties with a strange look on his lightly scarred face.  
“Hey Calhoun, you okay?” The rebel asked, gentle concern lacing his words. Barney gave him his signature smile.  
“‘Course I am, kid.” Barney replied, chuckling almost nervously. His voice failed him, coming out strained instead of reassuring like he was going for. The rebel gave him one last unsure look before silently nodding and re-entering the train, gently sliding the door closed behind him.

The ex-guard closed his eyes and breathed in the biting air that whipped past his face. Images of the week’s events flashed behind his eyelids- He thought of the last-ditch rush to the trains alongside Gordon and Alyx. He thought of the moment he’d been told Gordon had returned from Nova Prospekt and the overwhelming relief he’d felt- he could’ve cried. He thought back to his first reunion with the rogue physicist and the sheer elation that filled him when he realized his oldest friend had survived those two decades.

Barney knew he’d be fine- if those brief moments in Black Mesa and the past 20 years were anything to go by, Gordon could clearly take care of himself. But for whatever reason he still felt a deep pit in his stomach when he thought of the scientist. Back in Black Mesa he seemed so gentle and soft spoken- he never thought Gordon Freeman of all people would be the one to fight his way through hell and back for the good of humanity.  
He was a damn physicist. The two would slack off on duty together, talk to each other for hours on end about nothing in particular, sneak off for a chill night in one of their dorms with a film and some beers. The prospect of that gentle-natured man being in any kind of danger made Barney’s stomach churn, and yet there he’d stood- In the back room of a train station, lost and confused, torn up and rugged from the horrors of Black Mesa. He’d looked just as innocent and out of place as he had back in Black Mesa and yet something had clearly changed. He no longer smiled- his face permanently locked in either a state of confusion or a scowl as he tore his way through the hordes of atrocities that dared oppose the One Free Man. His hair disheveled and his face scarred, he was a mixed bag of that tired college student Barney had loved and the war-hardened rebellion that the guard had come to know.

Barney opened his eyes and bit at the inside of his cheek, sobering him from the foggy images of the past before he inevitably dove too deep. He rubbed his face in his gloved hands, stopping to look down at them. Black synthetic leather and material wrapped his hands and restricted the movement of his fingers, the same as it had all these years. For the first time in what felt like forever, the guard took hold of the fingers of his gloves and pulled, feeling the cold air rush past the skin of his palms. He took a moment to stretch his fingers. The feeling was relieving, to say the least.  
It was then that he finally began to feel the full weight his uniform bore on his shoulders. Looking back up to the smoldering remains of the Citadel, the realization dawned on Barney that he was done. He’d done his duty- He never had to return to City 17. He never had to participate in the Combine’s stranglehold over the city. He never had to bear the weight of this uniform ever again.

And with that, Barney took a hold of the clasp on his vest and pushed in, feeling that satisfying click of the mechanism’s release for what would be the final time. The heavy kevlar and material slid off of his shoulders, dropping to the floor of the carriage and leaving him to finally breathe in the black undershirt that had sat beneath it. He finally felt free.  
The weight had been lifted from his shoulders, leaving Barney to take a breath. Tears began to sting his eyes as his breathing shuddered. The guard placed a hand on his mouth to stifle the inevitable sob that wracked his body. Despite the overwhelming emotion passing over him, a smile pulled it’s way across his face. Not one of those half-assed, cocky grins he’s become known for. A real, genuine smile for what felt like the first time since before the incident. Barney took a moment to breathe, running a hand through his hair and leaning back against the train car door, absolutely beaming with twenty years worth of tears of relief streaming down his face.

The next time Gordon would see him, he’d be a free man.  
He’d be okay.


End file.
